i trust Him so much that i do not doubt He will provide whatever i need for body and soul, and that He will turn to my good whatever adversity He sends me in this sad world. He is able to do this because He is almighty God–He desires to do this because He is a faithful Father.
this quote is from the heidelburg catechism–a catechism which has had such a tremendous impact on my life as a believer, especially over the last few years. it’s been formative, and working through deyoung’s book the good news we almost forgot was incredibly stretching and rewarding last year, in my devotional life.
i wrote this particular quote, one of my favorites from heidelburg, on my last pieces of cardstock and mounted it beside my notepad posting of psalm 16 in my car, Betsy Ford.
Betsy died about a week later. she lived a long and good life, and in the parking lot of a wells fargo ATM after enjoying moes and free queso day, after a long day at school…she passed away.
if you know me, you know that life is a constant battle of reminding myself that namely…i don’t trust in myself. that I trust in the Lord, that he is gracious and compassionate toward his children, that he will deliver and he will provide–even if it doesn’t always seem to be in the way i would picture provision and deliverance to turn out. you may have whispered or shouted or yelled or written or texted these things to me over the years. you probably have walked with me and looked back with me on situations in my life and helped me see how the Lord has been so present and so active, even when i couldn’t see it. hindsight is 20/20.
i spent an entire weekend not being sure of Betsy Ford’s fate. she sounded a little like a dying squirrel. horrid. we cleaned out the important things (mostly, Webb’s carseat and my school books), and she was towed away to one garage, which reported the damage was definitely in the engine and that they couldn’t fix it. we got a second opinion and towed her to another garage–thank the Lord for AAA. i waited. i celebrated my best friends’ having their second child, and south carolina beating another SEC team while watching the game with such good friends, and caught rides galore, and began to worry, and when the mechanic called to tell me Betsy had definitely died this past Monday….well, i had forgotten about this part of the heidelburg catechism.
i’ve stressed and fretted most of the week. finances are beginning to be put into order, i’ve researched and determined the next car i want, and the technical things–like what to do with my old car–have to be answered next. i have to admit to you that i’m not a health and wealth kind of person. i don’t believe in the prosperity gospel, mostly because it’s not true and it’s nothing like the gospel. the gospel reminds me that i have glorious things ahead, and that sometimes suffering comes on this earth. that i have to hold all things loosely–including my own money (sometimes) and Betsy Ford. that Christ’s blood is enough for the biggest problem of my life–my sinfulness, and from there, he will take care of everything else. that the Lord provides in miraculous ways–but it doesn’t mean a BMW will appear on my doorstep tomorrow or that someone will just tell me what to do and fix the situation.
i cleaned out my car for the second time on Friday and i found this heidelburg quote, and i began thinking. you see, even as the Lord provides financial means to purchase a car, and wisdom, and vehicles…he has shown himself so faithful this week. why should i have ever doubted? friends to rescue me from my house while i was going stir crazy with worry, home alone. family to listen from afar and offer advice. people who took me into their homes, fed me dinner, listened to my craziness, let me help give their kiddos baths, and offered me the most practical and helpful thing of all: love. friends who turn around from leaving dinner with you and come back, and even help the tow truck driver to get your vehicle on the first tow truck of the weekend. who give you rides to school and to church and home and to lunch and in general, who are just…there. and even who loan you their truck so that you have a way to get around over the next few weeks.
i’m confident that the Lord will take care of me, not because i’m waiting for a car to drop from the sky or for someone to come along and fix all of my problems. i’m confident in this just because of how he has taken care of me over the last week–through people, through community, through friends who are, truly, family. he is almighty God, and he is also a faithful Father.