it’s a beautiful spring in birmingham. the leaves are green, the flowers are blooming, and the air is warm–but not hot, yet! people are out on the quad at samford, playing frisbee. everyone’s walking on the trails, enjoying the beautiful weather.
meanwhile, i’m scowling at them, as i head to the library with seventeen million sources, and a slightly sore back from carrying all those sources, destined to sit again at the same table in the library and try to pound out letters and words and paragraphs to a paper which seems to be impossible. i scowl and i frown as they all make merry and act as if they are carefree, without a problem in the world…while i’m trapped inside with lots of dusty books.
i might be exaggerating a bit here, but this has been my attitude the last week. i was utterly frustrated that i spent most of my spring break reading and writing, and writing, and reading. and then, once spring break ended, i hit this week off and running–with a twenty page Hebrew paper due next week, and a sermon i have to preach, and three more sermons this month. i know, yikes, i know.
i guess my point is that i’ve been a little bitter, and for what seems to be…when i think about it…no reason at all. i’ve had a topsy turvy kind of year. i’ve had lots of hard questions that have been unanswered–and march has brought answers. i have somewhere to live next fall and spring. i have new roommates, and i think that will be wonderful. i even have gracious friends to help move my stuff into storage, and then into our house. i have an amazing camp staff to work with this summer in charleston. and…i have the opportunity to continue my seminary education. lots of good things have happened this month. and then…there’s all this schoolwork.
sometimes i feel guilty when i don’t want to do my schoolwork, because i’m not saying “no” to math or science or history. i’m saying no to the Scirptures, to theology, to…God? definitely so on the first two, and maybe on the third. i whined and complained in my head–and to other people outloud, via texts, with my scowling face, etc.–about having to do this assignment. and then i realized there are people in the world who die so they can read the Bible…in a translation. and i get the opportunity to learn Hebrew and to be able to read the Scriptures in their original language, and study them, and learn more about them so i can equip and educate others.
basically, it seems to me like i need to learn a little gratefulness.