i have been learning hard truths lately. not the kind like gummy worms are bad for you (though that is a hard truth–so many calories, and such goodness), but more like hard truths about myself.
about my own heart.
about my sinfulness.
i’ve been reading this book for our youth worship series, the brook, and though it might be “focused” for teenagers–man, it has been so relevant in my own life, and so convicting.
edward welch talks about our understanding of God, self, and others. he talks about how we are people who are vessels, cups, who are broken, and we search for things to fill us up, like affirmation from people or relationships. hit the nail on the head there, friend.
i am afraid i am learning the difficult truth of proclaiming what the psalmist says in Psalm 16:
I say to the LORD: ‘You are my LORD; I have no good apart from you.’
to say those words is one thing, but to live and practice and to abide in them is completely different. to believe and to walk in the reminder that apart from the Lord, i have no good thing–that is revolutionary in a life filled with self-gratification and my trying to fill my own cup with praise and accolades and respect and “i love you’s” from others.
and it is hard. for so long in my life, i’ve belived that if i only had this one other thing, i would be happy. i would find joy. my life would be perfect. those one other things sit on the bookshelf, covered in dust. those people and those relationships i thought i needed–most of them occupied so much of my heart and my time and my life at one point, and now are distant memories. i’m not saying people and things are terrible; they’re gifts from God. but in my own heart sometimes i’ve confused the gift and the giver, and that’s idolatry at its core.
so i’m learning. i’m learning to say that apart from God, i have no good. apart from God, there is nothing else for me. there are things i want–yes, desires God has planted in my heart, and dreams, and hopes–but at the end of the day, they must all come under submission of the One who wrote my story and gave me those desires.
i have no good apart from You.