this week, i learned a good lesson. and it’s that i can’t do everything.
i started off the week ready to take on the world, and i ended it…well, being taken over by the world. defeated.
i’m naturally a busy person. a really busy person. i nanny about seventeen hours a week. i’m working at my church doing an internship for school, and absolutely love it. i’m taking thirteen hours of class at beeson–and some of those classes are a little on the work-intensive side. and then i have friends near and far that i love, and want to spend time with, and talk with, and enjoy them.
i thrive well being busy. in fact, when i’m “on the go,” i tend to get a lot accomplished, because i know there’s not a lot of time to spare. i think it’s part of the reason that i love camp so much–because i love what i do, and going a hundred miles an hour, and being in a perpetual state of craziness.
this week, however, was my breaking point. i began the week with not getting a lot of sleep…and it all went downhill from there. back-to-back activities, sleepless nights, an overload of reading and papers and tests, and i ended the week on friday with a bombed exam and my keys locked in the ignition of my car. a bad combination.
i have a lot of schoolwork left to do for the week, and for next week when exams hit. yet yesterday i just couldn’t get it together to do anything besides hebrew. i made peanut butter cookies..and cleaned…and made a buffalo chicken dip…and talked on the phone…and spent some much-needed time at casa de splawn.
as i was laying in bed last night, restless and sleepless yet again, i had a good realization. i’m not superwoman. i can’t do everything. i can’t be everything for everyone. i can’t always say yes. and i can’t be perfect at everything…or really, anything.
moreover, trying to do everything, and always be perfect at everything, is a little…tiring. to say the least. at the end of the day, i’m a broken human being. we all are. isn’t it so much more refreshing to do what i can, and try my best, and then walk away and realize that it’s not that important? my worth is found in Christ.
i’m not saying that procrastination, laziness, or idleness are good things–because they aren’t. but neither is perfectionism or having to be an overachiever–both sins of which i am guilty, and things that are just as harmful as sloth. my position is in Christ. i can’t win my salvation by doing “good” ministry and being the perfect student. Jesus wants me to study, but if i get an A on a test and as a result of my sleepless night am so tired and distracted and weary that i can’t do any good, or manage to spend time with him, or even live life…what is it worth?
and even more, maybe God allowed me to see that i’m not superwoman to remind me that i need him for everything. that it’s only through Him that anything is accomplished, and it’s not about me, or what i can do, or how awesome i am. because, in the end….i’m not superwoman.