indecisiveness.

it’s september.  it’s in the fall that i miss carolina the most. i miss the horseshoe, and BCM, and football. i miss eating beezer’s and going to meetings and walking to class and feeling autumn, finally.  in a lot of ways, i miss how uncomplicated my life was in columbia.  it may have seemed complex at the time, but being an adult is so much more work sometimes.  decisions, decisions, decisions.

today, i stood in an aisle at wal-mart and contemplated for thirty minutes (thirty minutes of my life that i will NEVER GET BACK!), over a stupid lamp and lampshade. i mean, they aren’t really stupid i guess…but the point is, it took me thirty minutes to pick a lamp base and then pick a shade.  i agonized over the decision like it really mattered all that much. like it would be life-changing or something.  it’s  not. it’s just a lamp. now i can read before i go to bed, but…it’s just a lamp.

and then i started thinking about other decisions that are coming, and some that are here. now, if you don’t know me well, you know that i like to stress out a lot (i know, it’s a shocker) and stress myself out. i mean, i don’t enjoy doing it…it just comes quite naturally.  this semester one of my goals has been to de-stress and figure out how to manage my emotions effectively and deal with my stress.  which is easier said than done.  i’ve been doing an okay job, with the exception of a mini-emotional meltdown last night over a sermon i have to preach in two months. i know, i know, right. i’m crazy. anyways, moving on.

what i’m getting at is that i stress over decisions, a lot. and little decisions, like lamps–it’s funny that i spent thirty minutes in wal-mart really analyzing this decision.  but bigger decisions are coming. and they aren’t laughable matters.

i’ve been in seminary for two years.  that means i have two years left.  and those first two years flew by like none other.  time flies when you’re having fun…or studying hebrew?  anyway, the point is that soon, and very soon, the real world–or going back to grad school, either way–will approach.  and i’ll have to make more decisions.

basically, i feel like the rest of my life will be full of decisions.  where to live.  which house to buy.  which car to drive.  who to date.  where to minister.  where to move.  what degrees to pursue, if i decide to go back to school.  what school, in that case.

it’s easy to think that every decision affects the rest of your life. just like i worried about picking out the right stinking lamp.  it’s really not a big deal–just make a decision. any lamp will look fine and function and serve its purpose.

here’s the truth: i’m really glad that God is sovereign and in control of all things.  i’m so glad that he holds all things together.  i’m so glad that he’s good and has a plan, and that it depends on my decision to be obedient every day to his call.  the future’s not in my hands.  thank goodness for that.

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