i’m gonna be really honest. i’m from western north carolina. which means that, at the end of the day, regardless of how “proper” and “correct” i might try to sound, i’m a little bit…redneck. take, for example, the time i said “lift” in the most undignified and country way possible (think long, long, long “I” sounds), in Wal-Mart at 1:30am…granted, it had been the longest week of my life, but still…
because there’s some country in me, i have to confess that i kind of like country music. there’s something about a banjo. and cowboy boots. and all that jazz. not all of the time…but just sometimes. and i love, love, love when we have the banjo and the violin during contemporary worship at MBBC. it feels a little bit like home to me.
today chuck led us in “i saw the light.” it’s one of my favorite songs and definitely one that takes me back to my north carolina roots, because my father loves hank williams. a lot. i was really struck by one of the lines in the song as i worshipped today:
just like a blind man i wandered along
worries and fears i claimed for my own
man. there are so many worries and fears that i claim for my own. that i allow to consume and plague and uproot me. i’m a caring person. i’m a compassionate person. i’m a person who likes to do things and help others and fix problems. i’m a person who likes for everyone to be happy, and at peace, and taken care of, and comfortable. but sometimes…i take on the weight of the world. and particularly in my own life.
how many sleepless nights have i spent wondering what’s next? where i’ll end up? who i’ll end up with? where i’ll go? what i’ll do? if i should go back to school when i finish my MDiv?
and then there are the more intangible worries that i face. will all of my friends get married, except me? will i always be alone? will i ever have a family that somewhat resembles normalcy? what if i get into a lot of debt and can’t find a job? what if i’m miserable and hate what i end up doing? what if i regret all of my decisions? what if i’m not good enough?
i hate worries. and fears. and concerns. and i’m full of them, all the time. and yet, there’s a God who loves me, and who understands me, and all of my girly ways and emotional fears and concerns…and yet who has a plan more perfect than mine.
and that means i don’t have to stay up worrying all night, or being concerned about things i can’t change. it means that i don’t have to have all the answers, or know what’s next. because, ultimately, it’s not about me anyway, right?
praise the Lord, i saw the light.