maybe someday, someday i’m gonna settle down.

so, can i be honest with you?

i think about weddings a lot. i’m not one of those obsessed girls who watches bridezillas and say yes to the dress and four weddings every day of her life (though i have watched most of those shows, sometimes in marathon form in pajamas with some of my favorite girls in the entire world), but i’ve been to a lot of weddings, and have been in a lot of weddings.

my first wedding was when i was four–it was my mom’s, and i was the flower girl. and, i can assure you that i was adorable. i don’t remember much of that day–except for the dress being really stiff, and being really hungry the whole time because i had been commissioned to work as a child laborer and tie ribbons onto birdseed and various other tasks.  luckily my grandparents rescued me after i started throwing a fit in the ceremony (or, so i’m told).

my second wedding was when i was eleven. i was my aunt’s bridesmaid for her american wedding to my uncle. they’d already been married–and had kids–in japan, but wanted an “american style” church wedding. i wasn’t too cute. eleven’s a gross age. i liked my dress a lot though.

i skipped a lot of years before my fourth wedding. when i was twenty-two, i was in my best friend/college roommate’s wedding in april. it was a beautiful wedding. and about a million degrees in columbia.  our dresses were brown and were super cute…but for some reason i don’t have any pictures of myself in that dress, which is a bummer. or of the wedding in general, which is another bummer. i’m a bad picture taker.

my fourth wedding was the next year, in july, and i was twenty three. i got to hang out with ellen stewart (now ellen stewart fails), and spend an amazing day with her and her family and friends. the wedding was beautiful and simple and classy, just like ellen. and the dancing at the rehearsal was an absolute ball, especially in a dress that you can move and groove in!  there are probably lots of embarrassing pictures of me dancing in my typical nerd fashion. i’m glad that i’ve never had to see those 🙂

the last wedding i was in took place less than two months ago, in my hometown. i got to be a part of my best friend’s wedding day. it was beautiful and snowy and really, really, really cold.  it’s fun to grow up with someone and make fun of boys and cry over boys and live life and swim and get sunburned together at the beach and watch bring it on a million times. and then get to see them get married…and to hold their dress while they pee. i’ve done that twice, actually.

so i’m not sure whose wedding i will be in next–but i know that there are more coming. i’m kind of at the age where people think it’s a good idea to get married and settle down and buy a dog. i know, that’s odd–but it’s the age in which i live. so i get to go to cool parties and see the “behind the scenes” of the chapel and help my friends appear calm and graceful on the day of their union.

so i’m not the girl in twenty-seven dresses. i’ve never been in two weddings in the same month, let alone on the same day. my planner isn’t full of shower and rehearsal dates–they’re merely scattered in there with hebrew and greek and papers and church and life. but i’ve experienced enough weddings to think about them occasionally.

because honestly, let’s face it–as much as i’d like for you–and the rest of the world–to think that i am the most independent girl in the world, who could never see herself settling down or tying the knot or having kids…those are all things i’d like to eventually have. one day, i mean. not tomorrow.

so i guess i’ve kind of thought about my ideal wedding.  if i get married and have a wedding, i think it would be really laid back. i’d like a church wedding, wherever i’m going to church at that point. and i’d like someone that’s meaningful to me to perform the ceremony. and to sing a couple of worship songs as a congregation, because after all, marriage is supposed to be a celebration of worship and a way that we glorify God, right? i’d like to wear a simple dress and have bridesmaids wearing different colors and dresses to match their personality. and flip flops.

maybe we could have funfetti cake at the reception. and drink sweet tea out of mason jars. and take a million candid pictures. and skip throwing the flowers and the garter, because those are both awkward to me. and, of course, mary splawn promised that we could have lulu’s and the taco truck cater.

but i guess the entire point is that, even though i want to get married–i don’t want to get married tomorrow. i’ve spent a lot of the last year trying to reconcile the desire to have a family and kids with the gift of being single.  i’m going to call it a gift, as difficult as it may seem, because that’s what it is. because i’m single…i can finish seminary with (less) stress. i can go wherever the wind takes me for spring break (namely, new orleans). i can work camp in charleston and development direct my little heart out. i can serve and minister wherever when i finish school. and, i can hang out with boys and it NOT be sketchy.

[but, if you’re a girl and looking to get married, let me know. out of my nine lifetime roommates, six are now married. the final dating relationship/engagement/marriage usually happens when i live with you, too. just a heads up 🙂 ]

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