i’m starting to wonder if i’ll ever be “settled.” i have a lot of different lives.
in one life, i’m the girl from the middle of nowhere, the small town girl next door, who eats livermush and goes to wal-mart every saturday night.
in another life, i’m the girl in the garnet and black–the bcm president, the history tutor, the thesis writer, the gamecock fan screaming loudly as she watches her team win…but mostly, lose…the big and small games.
in another life, i’m the camptastic version of amy. i have best camp friends, and bathroom laughing time, and inside jokes, and i act crazy and in control 99% of the time while inside, my head is spinning.
and in another realm, the hardest to accept, i’m amy the seminary student. i spend an obscene amount of time studying. most of my friends are married or settling down. i work to survive, and most of the time it seems that i’m just getting by–emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
for a long time, i thought i had to try and reconcile all of these amy’s. that i had to try and find reason and rhyme to who i am, and what that means. i thought that having multiple lives was a problem.
it wasn’t until this weekend, as i thought about the width and depth and brevity of the ocean, that i saw how…vast….my life is. i’m not settled. i’m not stationary. i don’t really have roots or wings, in a lot of senses. and yet, i’ve been blessed. i have had so many amazing experiences and met so many remarkable people along this crazy and chaotic journey. and i don’t have a single regret.