tonight at small group we talked about things we fear, and about the Lord, and what it is like to fear the Lord. as i was getting ready for bed, i started thinking about things in my life that scare me. so here are a few [some humorous, some more serious, but all true]:
- tornadoes. when i was little, i was so afraid of storm–and i’m still scared of being in a tornado. in fact, i had a dream about it last. when i was little, my mom told me one side of my pillow was the good dream side and made sure that i slept on that side of the pillow-which i may pick up again tonight 🙂
- insecurity. i’m afraid of not being sure and of unsteadiness. this comes to fruition in a number of areas in my life, including finances, academics, decisions, and the future.
- being alone. i have this huge fear of losing those i love–friends and family. attached to this is a fear that i’ll always be alone, especially when i have such a deep desire to be a mother. i guess if there was a guarantee that, if i lost my loved ones, i’d still have someone by my side, it’d be less daunting–but that’s not a promise.
- not being in control. i like to be in control of my money. i like to know what to expect in relationships. i’m not the girl to blurt out her feelings. i am the girl to overanalyze everything, however. i like to make clean decisions based on pro/con lists, and i fear that one day i will have to make a split second decision–and that it’ll be the wrong one.
so, i’m afraid. a lot. and most of my fears aren’t tangible things. but at the end of the day, i have to remember that the power of the Cross and the sovereignty of God are greater than all these things–and for that i’m super thankful.