i don’t want to leave here, i don’t want to stay
it feels like pinching to me either way…
the places i long for the most, are the places where i’ve been
they are calling out to me like a long lost friend.
lately, i’ve been thinking more and more that, a lot of my time, i paint pictures of egypt. i’m too afraid of the future, and bored or frustrated with the present. so i make the past beautiful, and i envy it. i long to turn back the calender, without realizing those too were days that were difficult and not without pain.
it’s really easy to condemn the israelites in exodus, as they continue to doubt God’s provision. i mean, come on! God had saved them from the egyptians through miraculous wonders, had passed over them, and divided a red sea. He provided them a leader, food, and His word…and yet, it wasn’t enough. they longed for the safety of the past, the reassurance of living in a land where they knew what to expect–even if the conditions were less than ideal. and…that’s me in a nutshell.
i’m thankful that we have a God who calls us to follow, even when it’s scary. i’m thankful that God prods me along, gently, and reminds me to stop painting my pictures of egypt, and start living and finding joy in what is to come.
i’ve been painting pictures of egypt, leaving out what it lacked
the future seems so hard, and i want to go back
but the places that used to fit me, cannot hold the things i’ve learned
and those roads were closed off to me, while my back was turned.
Lord…teach us to trust in You–not in our history or our past, but the one who holds all things together.